stupidhippy.com

I’ve mostly shied away from writing about controversial things on this blog because, frankly, I don’t have the stomach for the arguing. I know a few people have been pissed off by my “anti-adoption” talk (mostly in the form of links to other blogs), but jeez, I can’t completely squelch my own opinions, right? Whatever. This topic isn’t even that touchy, heh.

There was a discussion on a local homeschooling list that had me shaking my head. The topic was what sort of responsibilities your kids have around the house, and whether or not they get an allowance. There were some differences based on age, but most people said their kids were responsible for their own stuff (clean their room, their own messes in the rest of the house, personal hygiene) and most had at least some chores. Some people give their kids an allowance, some don’t. A few people, though, I swear, when I was reading their posts, it reminded me of nothing so much as dog training. These parents say their kids get money for doing chores, for doing school work, have money taken away for bad behavior, and for not doing chores. Why not just get a clicker and train your kids with that? I also thought, gosh, that seems like a lot of work to me. For me, I mean, keeping track of all the ways kids can earn/lose money? Pfft, no thanks.

Personally, I don’t think money should be tied to chores. No one pays ME for chores! You’re part of a family, you have to help out, that seems simple. If I don’t clean the toilet one week, nothing bad happens. If I don’t clean the toilet for a bunch of weeks, all sorts of things might happen. My family might start to notice and complain, or I might be embarrassed because it’s so gross. And, ultimately, it will be a lot tougher to clean because I let it go. These are consequences of a simple chore going undone. If Ed suddenly told me I had to pay him $5 because I didn’t clean the toilet, wtf? If Becca doesn’t do something that is her responsibility, one of the consequences might be that I get pissed off because I’ve had to step over her pile of crap in the living room repeatedly. Another might be something gets stepped on and broken because she left it in the middle of the floor all day. If she doesn’t clean her room, she’ll get frustrated because she can’t find anything, or she might be embarrassed when her friends see it looking like a pig sty. I don’t know, I just think that level of micromanaging kids actually prevents them from learning responsibility, rather than the opposite. They learn they’ll get in trouble for not following your rules, but do they learn the real consequence of their actions?

For our family it works better if Rebecca just agrees to help out with chores on an “as needed” basis. She’s responsible for her own messes and then she helps me when I ask. She also decided a few weeks ago that she would start doing some of the dishes. I never asked her to wash the dishes, although she helps me put them away frequently. One day when I was out and she was home with Ed, I came home to find she’d washed the dishes in the sink (we live in the dark ages and do not have a dishwasher, btw). Since then, she does a bunch of dishes almost every day, usually in the afternoon, so she does a sink full of breakfast and lunch dishes, everything except big messy pans. I don’t complain at all if she doesn’t do them, but I sure do show my appreciation when she does! Probably she’d love it if I gave her a buck every time, heh, but I love that money is not her motivation. For now, she doesn’t get a regular allowance. I was forever forgetting to give it to her, I almost never have money in my wallet, and she forgets to ask. By the time anyone remembers, we have no idea how many weeks she DIDN’T get allowance. For now, our system is pretty informal. She asks for things she wants and I either get it or I don’t. I’d estimate that I spend $20-ish a month on things she wants. Sometimes she wants a thing that costs that much, in which case that’s probably all she’ll get for a while. Other times she might want a pack of Pokemon cards or something else small. I usually give her a few bucks to spend at the $1 area when we go to Target. Occasionally she wants something big that I don’t really want to buy for her, so she’ll ask me if she can earn some money. Then I will give her some of my chores to do and I’ll pay her for them. *shrug* It works, for us, for now.

I fully understand that what works for my family might not for others, and that the number of kids you have, and the particular circumstances of your life might also make a difference. It was just the micromanagement that struck me as sort of crazy.